Mexico Travel

Mexico Travel Guide - Mexico Articles Wednesday Dec 28th, 2005 Mexico Central Time Back to Mexico Articles Ok, you want to drive to Mexico (good for you!) and now you need to know what it will take to get you and your vehicle into the country. Here is the straight scoop. A friend of mine got in with a student ID and a smile, but she was much prettier than I am. All minors (under 18) need either both parents with them, or notarized permission from the absent parent(s) or legal guardian. Vehicle Title or Registration Receipt. Owner is considered the name(s) on title only. For example: a wife cannot take the car if the title is only in the husband's name. If names of both husband and wife appear on title, either one may take the car. Birth certificate, passport or notarized proof of citizenship, or voter's registration card. Visa, MasterCard, Diner's, or American Express card with the same name as on title. Valid driver's license (with photo and same name as on title). Notarized letter of permission from the bank or lienholder is required on financed cars, rental cars, leased cars, or company cars (on company stationary). No borrowed cars or borrowed credit cards are accepted. You must sign an affidavit of promise to return vehicle back to the United States. Back to Top Failure to turn in your vehicle permit before the expiration date may result in fines. * This is subject to change without notice. In order to get your vehicle permit, you will pay an approximately $10-11 fee with a Visa, MasterCard or American Express. If you do not have a credit card, you will have to post a bond (much of which you will get back on your return). Your permit is good for multiple entries, but you MUST turn it in at border BEFORE it expires. We might as well warn you about customs before it is too late to do anything about it. Technically, both foreigners and Mexicans who are driving are only allowed to bring $50 worth of "merchandise" (mercancia, a word you will soon learn). Since nobody takes long trips to Mexico with only $50 worth of stuff, this is obviously impossible to enforce. What customs is looking for is new items that could be sold. The secret is not to have new-looking items with you. For example, if you have new clothes, take the tags off. If you have new camping gear, take it out of the shiny boxes and throw some dirt on them to make the boxes look old. Get the idea? One thing that will get you into trouble is a lot of stuff in Wal-Mart etc. sacks. If you bought a lot of items for your trip, take them out of the sacks, remove the price tags and distribute them among your baggage. I was once delayed for having too much film. I am a photographer and regularly take fifty rolls of film. Technically that is illegal, but I only had a problem once. That was when the rolls were still in a plastic bag from the store. From then on, I spread them out and haven't had a problem since. Computers Laptop computers are never (a dangerous phrase to use in Mexico, but I will go out on a limb here) a problem. Desktops can usually be brought in. A journalist friend of mine was moving to Mexico and had a lot of stuff, including a desktop computer. The customs inspector wanted to do his job, but he was a practical man. "Your computer," he asked, "it is small, no?" "Si," the scribe replied, "muy pequeño." Be honest and friendly and things will work out. Be arrogant and you will have trouble. Back to Top When to cross Allow at least 30 minutes for customs clearing. Early in the AM (6-7:30) is best. After 9:00 AM, it could take 30 minutes up to an hour. Weekends are the worst time, especially holidays. If you got a late start, please spend the night in a border town. Driving in Mexico is not as dangerous as you have been led to believe, but it is more challenging. There are plenty of four-lane toll roads that (for a price) can make you feel as comfortable as if you were back home. The two-lane roads vary in width and conditions so that some of them are usually in great shape, and others are often full of potholes. You will have to learn a few rules of the road For current gas and diesel prices, jump to gas prices. For road conditions, go to road updates. Driving in Mexico is perfectly safe and enjoyable. It is no more difficult than driving in the U.S., though defensive driving is a requirement. Despite what you have heard, Mexicans are very polite -- on the open road. In cities, a certain amount of aggression is required. Still, that's true in our country, too. How many of us can compete with NY or Boston cabbies -- or would want to? I have driven in most of the major U.S. cities and find the drivers in Mexico to be generally more polite, particularly the truck drivers and long distance bus drivers. (See the section about left turns). Accidents A remarkably small number of gringos have accidents in Mexico. Perhaps they learn the differences quickly or perhaps God watches out for fools, drunks and the U.S.A, as I was told by my father. So that you won't have to depend on divine intervention, I will give you some of the driving tips I have gleaned in my over twenty years of driving around Mexico. In that time, I have had one accident -- and that was because I passed out from carbon monoxide poisoning. Here's a tip -- if you have a back window on your 4WD, don't leave it open. Why is everyone flashing their lights at me? Flashing your headlights at a car in front of you indicates that you want to pass them. If you drive with your headlights on during the day, you will be flashed by oncoming drivers because they think you have left your lights on by accident. Back to Top Night Driving Don't drive at night on the two-lane roads. There is a lot of loose livestock and I have yet to see a cow equipped with tail lights. My tip for driving at night is - DON'T. On the toll roads (which are as good as or even better than those in the U.S. or Canada), you can drive at night, but should be aware that some roads -- particularly the Orizaba-Villahermosa road, and the Mexico City-Acapulco road, have been known to have assaults at night. Left Turn Signals On the open road, a left turn signal is an invitation to the guy behind you to pass. Trucks and busses frequently turn their left blinker on to guide you around them. I trust them, but use common sense. Sometimes they have optimistic views of your acceleration capabilities. Don't use your left turn signal on a two lane road when you are about to pass. You might get hit. A few readers have pointed out that on the toll roads, people use turn signals as they do here. My advice -- use 'em as you are used to on toll roads, but don't expect the other guy to do the same. Left Turns Left turns are different! When there is a left turn lane, there will usually be a left turn arrow. Look for 4 lights on signal. You MUST wait for arrow (whether or not you saw any Indians). Right Turns Right on red is usually not OK, unless there is a sign saying that it is. Lately, however, I have been honked at by locals when I wait for a green light. What to do? If there isn't a cop nearby, (and the coast is clear) I turn. Topes and Truckers Watch out for topes, which are speed bumps in every town of any size. They begin just as you enter a town and there are lots of them in-between. Slow down in rain -- more than you do here. The roads are slicker, due to the blowoff from the big trucks and it takes several hours of a heavy rain to wash it away. Truckers are usually friendly and will use the aforementioned left turn signal to give you the go-ahead to pass them when you cannot see around them. Back to Top Cops Traffic cops are more honest than you have been led to believe, but there are some in towns who are looking for bribes, especially in Mexico City. When this happens, stand firm and tell them you want to go to the comandancia. In Mexico City You cannot drive in Mexico City on certain days, depending on the last number of your license plate. Drive defensively at all times and you should have no problems. You will not go to jail for having a traffic accident, unless you do not have insurance, are drunk or high, or are argumentative. If the accident is serious, or if you kill someone, you could go to jail, or you and your car could simply be detained until the matter is settled. For this reason it is a good idea to have a legal assistance policy. This came from Live Better South of the Border. If you like the info you can order the book from a Secure Order Form with VI, MC, AM at http://www.mexicomike.com or by sending a check to Roads Scholar Press, 300 Zapata St., Rancho Viejo, TX 78520 or call 1-800-321-5605. The cost is $16.95 plus $4.00 S&H. Texas residents add 8.25% tax ($22.34). Back to Top Send us your comments about this article Back to Mexico Articles Acapulco | Cancun | CopperCanyon | Cozumel | Guadalajara | Huatulco | Ixtapa | Los Cabos Manzanillo | Mazatlan | Mexico City | Monterrey | Oaxaca | Puerto Vallarta © 1995 - 2005 Let's Go2Mexico ® - All Rights Reserved - Powered by ® Go2 Producciones ernesto luna sierra

golf vacation packages to

Canada Golf Vacation Packages by Golf Canada's West - 2005 Canada Golf Vacation Packages Golf Canada's West specializes in superior mountain golf vacation packages to the Canadian Rockies and British Columbia including the Okanagan , Victoria and Whistler . Our Canada golf vacation packages allow you to experience spectacular golf courses in: Banff National Park Jasper National Park Kananaskis Country Whistler Victoria the Okanagan Valley the mountain community of Canmore Golf Canada's West offers amazing golf vacations. British Columbia and the Canadian Rockies are the best spots in Canada for a perfect golf vacation. Our itineraries are only suggestions - we are happy to customize your Canada golf vacation package based on your specific requests and travel requirements. We take care of the details, so you can focus on the scenery and your game! Call us today for all information pertaining to our 2005 golf vacation packages, or to customize your own golf vacation package. Terms and Conditions for all our Vacations All our vacations include ... We are proud to announce our 2005 Contest winner . Nan & Andy S. of Granville, Ohio won our Dream Golf Vacation Getaway for FORE! Our 2006 Golf Vacation Contest information will be announced shortly. Canadian Rockies Pins & Fins Fairmont Open Golf & Spa Fairmont Alberta Invitational Yellowhead Open Sea To Sky Invitational Whistler Golf & Spa Okanagan Classic Chip & Sip We offer custom and pre-planned vacations to the top resorts and courses in the Okanagan, Canada’s wine country in the interior of British Columbia. And all are within putting distance of the region’s best wineries and wine festivals. [ more ... ] Have you ever golfed on New Year's Day in Canada? See our selection of itineraries to beautiful Victoria, BC on Vancouver Island that are available year round! Okanagan Invitational & Okanagan "A La Cart" : two itineraries available from early spring thru late fall in the heart of British Columbia's wine country. Golf Predator Ridge , Okanagan Golf Bear & Quail , Gallagher's Canyon and Harvest . Unbelievable golf vacation packages and unbelievable prices! View all our vacation listings ! View all our golf course listings ! Stay informed! Receive periodic e-mails from Golf Canada's West on our latest vacations and offerings. Download our 2005 Brochure (PDF - 1.8mb) 2006 Early Bird Special Book your 2006 golf vacation to Canada’s West by December 31st, 2005 and lock in our 2005 pricing! Call us today to plan now and save! Can’t decide on a date? Firm dates are not required - we can make your travel plans later! [ All Specials ... ] OKANAGAN CLASSIC CHIP & SIP The unsurpassed beauty of the area – lakes, orchards, mountains, vineyards – is combined with championship golf courses designed by world famous golf architects, with visits to award winning wineries. [ more ... ] FAIRMONT BANFF SPRINGS GOLF COURSE The course offers just two simple things. First, a breathtaking view in every direction and second, a magnificent layout that thrills every golfer fortunate enough to spend a day here. [ more ... ] MOUNT ROYAL HOTEL Space, function and elegance - all cues taken from the world outside the hotel's windows. The Mount Royal has 136 tastefully appointed rooms, suites (for an extra touch of luxury and privacy) and deluxe suites (jetted bathtub, fireplace, large screen TV) if the occasion demands. [ more ... ] Home | Vacations | Golf Courses | Hotels & Resorts | Destinations | Downloads | FAQ / Info | Site Map | Contact Us © 2005 - Golf Canada's West - All Rights Reserved / Privacy Policy

Vacation Package

Delta Vacations - Vacation packages to Las Vegas Maui Waikiki Hawaii Aruba Bahamas Orlando South Beach Florida Walt Disney World Europe Jamaica Caribbean Cancun Mexico All-Inclusive Family Beach Colorado Ski Membership log in E-mail address: Password: Remember me. Not A Member? Forgot Your Password? My Profile Related Links delta.com Vacation Protection Plan Special Group Rates SkyMiles Membership Last Minute Deals D e l t a V a c a t i o n s . c o m 2 0 0 4 Announcing New Service Package type Flight + Hotel Flight + Hotel + Car Hotel + Car or Transfer Flight + Car Preferred cabin Coach First Class Leaving from Departure date Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Time anytime morning noon afternoon evening 1am 2am 3am 4am 5am 6am 7am 8am 9am 10am 11am 12pm 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm 5pm 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12am Going to Return date Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Time anytime morning noon afternoon evening 1am 2am 3am 4am 5am 6am 7am 8am 9am 10am 11am 12pm 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm 5pm 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12am Adults 1 2 3 4 5 Children 0 1 2 3 4 Promo code (optional) Child 1 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 2 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 3 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 4 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 -- Announcing New Service Package type Flight + Hotel Flight + Hotel + Car Hotel + Car or Transfer Flight + Car Preferred cabin Coach First Class Leaving from Departure date Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Time anytime morning noon afternoon evening 1am 2am 3am 4am 5am 6am 7am 8am 9am 10am 11am 12pm 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm 5pm 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12am Going to Return date Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Time anytime morning noon afternoon evening 1am 2am 3am 4am 5am 6am 7am 8am 9am 10am 11am 12pm 1pm 2pm 3pm 4pm 5pm 6pm 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm 12am Adults 1 2 3 4 5 Children 0 1 2 3 4 Promo code (optional) Child 1 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 2 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 3 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Child 4 na under 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Grand Cayman Grand Cayman Marriott Beach Resort Las Vegas, Nevada Paris Las Vegas Wednesday, December 28, 2005 Save $300 on a Golf and Spa Getaway Earn 10,000 Bonus Miles to London 3 Night Packages to Turks & Caicos from $790 Search all Last Minute Deals -- Announcing Daily Flight Service Salt Lake to Cancun begins 6/1/05 Atlanta to Moscow begins 6/1/05 -- Member Registration ® 2005 Delta Vacations. All rights reserved. delta.com | Site Map | About Us | Privacy Policy | Legal Notices | Customer Care | Web Compatibility | Travel Agents ### ISHQWEBCVGNET02 ### ### --

European Vacation," was just

feature National Lampoon's European Vacation "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Intro Oh, my goodness -- is this really the last night of Joe Bob's Summer School? Well, hack off my leg and call me Peggy. I'm Professor Joe Bob, and tonight's class is Recreational Geography 207, where we find out whether our first movie, "National Lampoon's European Vacation," was just a good excuse for the stars to go to Europe -- and we can DO that, because we have not only the producer, Matty Simmons, as one of our guest lecturers, but we have the world's most famous expert on travelling all over the world without paying anybody for anything, the one and only Robin Leach. He'll stay with us for this movie and maybe our second one, too, Dan Aykroyd and John Candy in "The Great Outdoors." Now. Speaking of vacations, I want you to remember the one cardinal rule of all professional vacation-goers. [writes on blackboard] "Do Not Structure Your Damn Time." Do you understand what I'm saying here? For example, I have this friend Larry who's as rich as a sitcom star, and so every year at this time he takes one of those European cruises where you drink champagne every night and listen to bad cabaret acts and occasionally get off the boat to look at some Madonnas or sit at a seaside cafe with red-checkered tablecloths where you can guzzle the local vino for thirty bucks a pop. And they have all kinds of "programs" and "seminars" and "athletic activities" on board, so you can learn how to be a real-estate agent or a professional shuffleboard coach or find out who Marcel Proust was. Now here's the interesting part. On his daily schedule of all the "programs" and "seminars" and "cultural activities," there's always a place marked "Free Time." Like there's time that costs money, and then there's FREE TIME. But, no, that can't be what it means, because it ALL costs money on a cruise, whether you CALL it free or not. So what they mean is, there's PRISON time and then there's FREE time. This is when the guy's ON VACATION! This is when he's in the one place in the world where ALL the time is supposed to be free! What's wrong here? When I was a kid, I'd go to these science fairs where they had "labor-saving inventions of the future," and we were all supposed to be working twenty-hour weeks by now. But what happened? We invented all these labor-saving devices, everything got faster, and we have two-thirds LESS "Free Time" than we had twenty years ago. You know why? Because of guys like Larry who CAN'T STAND IT. They go on vacation and they're faced with this endless stretch of "Free Time," and they start to go crazy with guilt and nervousness. There's some great Yuppie Devil God in their gut crying out, "You could have done SEVENTY HOURS of work in the time you spent hanging around the Parthenon and chucking rocks in the Aegean. Your life is MEANINGLESS." And so they have "Free Time." They work just as much as they do when they're back home -- they're getting an education, or they're becoming culturally enlightened, or they're IMPROVING themselves -- and then, after they've done that, they can just barely face that agonizing hour of "Free Time." They can suck down a couple martinis without guilt, though, because they've just read part of a book about Giotto. They can USE that Giotto someday. They'll be talking to that West Coast sales rep who's into European art, and they can just casually mention that magic word -- "Giotto" -- and pretty soon they'll be bosom buddies for life. But tonight we're gonna teach you how to vacation right, by watching "National Lampoon's European Vacation," the follow-up to the comedy classic "National Lampoon's Vacation." "European Vacation" picks up as the Griswalds accidentally win a gameshow and embark on their first trip overseas, where they run people over, trash national monuments and make a general nuisance of themselves. Check it out, and we'll have Robin Leach popping out here to join us. [fading] Robin's gonna be slumming. Instead of doing "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," he'll be doing "Lifestyles of the Hard-Up and Obscure." "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #1 See, isn't this movie helpful as a travel tool? When planning your European vacation, just beat Paul Bartel and his family on "Pig in the Poke"! You know what's NOT a good sign, though? FOUR dream sequences, and the movie's barely 20 minutes old. Okay, let's not dwell on that, because it's time to welcome our first guest-lecturer of the evening, world-traveler extraordinaire, a guy who has been every place via every mode of transportation. The one and only Robin Leach. LEACH: How're you doing? Welcome to Joe Bob's Summer School. And all right, so here we are. LEACH: Only two places in the world I haven't been to. Really. What are they? LEACH: I haven't been to Burma, which is now called Myanmar and I haven't been to Papua New Guinea, where in some parts there's still cannibalism practiced. Really? LEACH: I don't want to wind up . . . You won't go there even to sample the cuisine? (LAUGHTER) All right, so here we are watching a movie about a European vacation. I would suppose that you have taken a vacation in Europe so many times that, well, let me ask it this way. The Griswalds -- they just checked into this worst hotel in London. LEACH: The worst. The worst. Have you ever gone out to do like a journalistic piece as part of one of your shows and ended up in some roach-infested nightmare? LEACH: No. It never happens. LEACH: I tell you the only thing that was really surprising to me in all my travels was in Cuba, where I went into a bedroom and I was the only person in the bedroom. But there were eight single beds in the bedroom. I wondered who the other seven friends (LAUGHTER) were going to be for the night. And who showed up? LEACH: No, fortunately nobody. Not even cigar farmers. So that was all right. Or unfortunate. All right. Have you ever . . . LEACH:. . . And the bed I was given was the furthest from the phone. That I never understood. (LAUGHTER) What, you couldn't switch beds? That was against the rules? LEACH: No they wouldnt let me switch beds. Against the rules. Have you ever paid for anything Robin? (LAUGHTER) LEACH: Is that the traditional Joe Freeload question? (LAUGHTER) Of course we've paid as we've gone around the world. Weve done it at a travel agent discount but no, we pay. We have to -- that's the law. Oh, even at the hotels . . . LEACH: Yes. that you're featuring in a show. LEACH: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to pay. Favorite destination in Europe? LEACH: In Europe, again it would be Italy. Italy? LEACH: Just like the Griswalds wind up there, the most spectacular country is Italy. And so after all your travels, its still good ol' Italy -- probably one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. LEACH: Because they know how to live, those people. They have such a great lust for life. You know, they drink wine. They smoke cigars. They eat pasta. They don't care about anything other than . . . No smoking sections in a restaurant. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: No. None of that stuff. LEACH: This is the la bon vie, as they say in France. Of course most of our audience can only dream about places like that 'cause right now they're planning their trips to Six Flags over Bakersfield. (LAUGHTER) But you probably do those kinds of trips too. Ever do, like, low budget trips? Have you ever done that? LEACH: No. Never. (LAUGHTER) You've never been. LEACH: I dont, I dont . . . Youve probably never been to Six Flags have you? LEACH: Yes, in Dallas. You were there? Okay, the original Six Flags over Texas in Arlington. You went there? LEACH: Yes. How did you like it? LEACH: The roller coaster was great. And I went to the Six Flags in New Jersey with Bob Pittman, who used to run it, and on the Batman and Robin ride. What else would I go on? You've experienced it. But I doubt if you stayed at the Six Flags Inn across the street, did you? LEACH: No. And Motel Six is a strange name to me. (LAUGHTER) All right. Let's return to National Lampoons European Vacation and -- roll the film -- and then we'll talk some more at the next break. By the way, Robin. My eagle eye picked up Playboy Playmate of the Month for 1984 Tricia Lang as the game show hostess at the beginning of the movie. Now, did you ever do any Playmates on Lifestyles? That didn't come out right. Did you ever have any Playmates as Lifestyles guests? LEACH: I want you to try that even one more time. (LAUGHTER) No, but we did feature Hugh Heffner up at The Mansion, so a lot of the attractive, ah, decorations were hanging around. (LAUGHTER) So you went to the king? LEACH: Well, yeah, or the king came to the mountain. I don't know what that is but yeah, it was -- that's a palace. Palace of pleasure. Okay. I can imagine. (LAUGHTER) "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #2 I don't mean any disrespect to the late Dana Hill, but she doesn't really seem right for this part. I think it would've worked better with that kinda laid-back prettiness of the original Audrey, Dana Barron. Hey, Robin, did I tell you I'm moving to El Lay? LEACH: No. You like El Lay don't you? LEACH: Yeah. It's one of your favorite places. Can you introduce me to some girls? LEACH: Ah, probably. Okay Robin. LEACH: You won't have a tough time handsome, tall, talented host. (LAUGHTER) Don't bet on that, Robin. Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty all right? What are the best party towns in the world? Where can you go if you just really want to tear it up? LEACH: New York is the greatest party town in the world. Really? Right here in the USA. LEACH: Then the nightlife of Paris. Okay. Paris. That's a big one. LEACH: It used to be a great nightlife in Rome, but not so much any more since La Dolce Vita quieted down. Monte Carlo is also good during the summertime in San Tropez. And of course, in America, we have Las Vegas, which is the party city of the entire world. I need to start writing these down. Where can you go if you just want to tear it up and you don't want anybody in your immediate family to know what you did while you were there? LEACH: About four thousand miles away. Four thousand miles away . . . LEACH: Get four thousand away from the nearest family member. (LAUGHING) Yeah. And what, you findwhat city would that be? LEACH: It could be any city. You can have fun and games in any city of the world. Okay. But you know are there some that are kind of like special in, you know, special cities for like that dark, naughty side? LEACH: Paris. Paris is the best? LEACH: I would think so. Okay. LEACH: As you see in this movie when the Griswalds go off to the nightclub, they even find their own child in the Crazy Horse. Right. Well now, see, one reason I trust you, Robin -- even before you were world famous, I would have trusted you because you're English. And I trust the English guys on any kind of issue like this about nightlife, because, well But one thing I do, I make it a rule to never drink with English guys or at least try to drink as much as they drink. (LAUGHTER) Because now we -- now listen, hear me out. Wouldn't you agree, Robin, your countrymen do know how to put away cocktails? (LAUGHTER). And you will drink 37 different kinds of cocktails at dinner and sweet ones and everything and then at two in the morning somebody'll say, But we haven't had an after-dinner liqueur yet! The English like many many, many different kinds. Would you say this is true? LEACH: I would say that's true. Okay. (LAUGHTER) Well, all right, all right. Well keep working on that party list as we return to National Lampoon's European Vacation. Roll it. You know, the trouble with going to those kinds of places is that you can't remember 'em when you get home 'cause somebody told me that. . . LEACH:. . . they don't wish to remember them. Well maybe that's good 'cause . . . ROBIN:. . . explains why there is heavy drinking. I know, I know, 'cause somebody told me one time that they spent three days with me at Mardi Gras in 1985. I don't even remember even going there. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: We've forgot New Orleans. Yeah. Oh. LEACH: The greatest of them all. That's on the list. And it's naughty isn't it? LEACH: I don't how you define that. Oh, ho. Come on, okay? LEACH: There's no such thing as naughty. Oh, okay then I do understand you. (LAUGHTER) The whole list was naughty. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #3 And Chevy Chase takes his famous pratfalls to the extreme and knocks down Stonehenge. Ha ha ha. Lot of the gags in this movie don't really work, do they? LEACH: No, it was the model that didn't work in the movie. That's true. It was kind of cheesy wasn't it? LEACH: Did you notice that as well? Yes, I. . . LEACH: That's a lot of damage for a small English car to do that hardly backed up in reverse. Yes. Okay, Robin, now we're in Paris. First thing . . . LEACH:. . . ooo la la . . . Yes, we were just talking about Paris. Now, first thing that comes to your mind well, first of all, best hotel in Paris? LEACH: Oh, the Ritz. Best restaurant in Paris? LEACH: Um, boy. Well, Taurus would say Maxims, but it would be the new Alain Ducasse restaurant in Paris. Alain Ducasse. Alain Ducasse. Okay. Best place to see naked French girls? LEACH: Ah I would say, go to the Crazy Horse. Really? Still, after all these years . . . LEACH: They change the show every three months so . . . Okay. LEACH: They change the girls every three years. All right. I want to talk about Thailand. LEACH: My favorite country in all the world. Really? LEACH: Yeah. I love Thailand. Is Thailand really all its cracked up to be? You hear so many people . . . LEACH: Nicest people in the world. Yeah. LEACH: The most incredible food. Yeah. LEACH: Wonderful countryside. Wonderful Asian culture. How much does it cost? LEACH: You can get there quite inexpensively. Yeah. LEACH: Depends how you want to do it. If you want to go on a private, you know, G-5, it'll cost a lot of money. But if you want to go as baggage on a boat, it'll cost very little. Yeah (LAUGHTER) but you would never go as baggage on a boat, I mean LEACH: . . . I've only heard about doing those things. (LAUGHTER) The typical trip for you, though, I mean what would it cost for a week? Bangkok? LEACH: It makes a hard man humble. You could do Bangkok on a very, you know, on a grandiose scale of under five thousand for a week. And what does that include? Hotel? Meals? LEACH: Yeah. Everything. LEACH: Not the . . . . . . Okay. LEACH: Not the air transportation. Then Bangkok you could also do much more inexpensively because they have very, very small hotels. And then, of course, if you wanted to go to any of special places that Bangkok is somewhat known for (LAUGHTER). Well that's kind of what I was gettin' at. LEACH: You were getting to the Thai massage. Uh huh. LEACH: Was that what you were getting to? Uh huh. Yeah. LEACH: The two or three girls on a rubber raft. Yeah. LEACH: And the swimming pool? Yeah. I go with that. (LAUGHTER) You can actually stay overnight there. LEACH: I'm told its quite reasonable . . . I would assume. (LAUGHTER) Well, and you could probably stay overnight at those places. LEACH: You can stay for as long as you wish. Oh, so like you just spend seven days there -- you don't even need a hotel room. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: That's one way to look at it. (LAUGHTER) All right. I'm gonna need your home phone number, Robin (LAUGHTER), after this is over. Okay. That was an awfully short segment, so let's get back to the movie. You ever need somebody to do, like, script continuity on your crew or something? LEACH: Are you offering? Location scout. I'll be your (LAUGHTER) location scout. Yes, Im offering. LEACH: You're too tall to go to some of the places we go to. Too tall. LEACH: Yes. Too tall to go to Bangkok? LEACH: No. Not too tall to go there, but there are other places where only the short make it. Really? (LAUGHTER) I don't even want to think about what you're talking about. LEACH: I don't want you to think about what I'm talking about. (LAUGHTER) "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #4 Well, that's a first. TNT is famous for holes in the dialogue where the cuss words should go, but I've never seen em bleep the subtitles before. And that scene where the dog jumps off the Eiffel Tower --that's obviously a reference back to the scene in the ORIGINAL "National Lampoon's Vacation" where they forget the dog is tied to the back of the station wagon and they kill the little guy. So this time you THINK the dog is gonna die, but then they go out of their way to show the dog swimming to safety in the river. I mean, why is everything so much SOFTER in this movie? Yeah, it's really not very good, and it was written by John Hughes, the guy who did "Breakfast Club" and all those famous movies in the eighties. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #5 So we KNOW that Audrey misses Jack. We got that. But you probly DON'T know that the guy who just played Fritz, the Bavarian relative, is the German comedy legend "Willy Millowitsch." And you know what cut-ups the Germans are. "Nehmen Sie meine Frau, bitte!" [Naymen-Zee miyna frow, bitta] You know what that means? "Take my wife, please." See, wasn't funny. Anyhow, it's getting crowded here at "Joe Bob's Summer School," we've got so many experts hanging out with us. Robin Leach, the world's most experienced tourist and traveller and . . . could I call you a libertine? AND Matty Simmons, producer of the National Lampoon movies, who for many years published and edited the funniest magazine in American history. Brian McConnachie--funny writer. That sequence where they rush through the Louvre. And then, of course, drinking out of the bedpan --that's always GREAT for laughs. You know what's different about this movie, Matty? There's no goal. In the first one, they had to get to Wally World, but in this one, they're just kinda . . . travelling. I'm sure Robin would agree with me. It's two against one. Did you tell John Hughes his script sucked for that reason? Okay, let's get back to the brilliantly conceived, but less than brilliantly executed, neverthless financially successful, "National Lampoon's European Vacation." Roll it. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #6 Okay, Matty, what's with the extended SHOPPING MONTAGE? The movie's almost OVER. And you're starting a Mafia subplot. What do you have to say for yourself? You know I'm moving to El Lay next week, Matty? I might be able to get you hooked up. As you may know, all our guest-lecturers get a book as a parting gift. We got you this one: it's called "Matador." I figured you could maybe make "National Lampoon's Spanish Vacation." Okay, we're gonna watch the conclusion to "National Lampoon's European Vacation," where we're finally gonna get some plot, believe it or not. So, roll it, and then we'll come back and talk some more to Robin Leach. [fading] Do you think of Chevy Chase as living out YOU on the screen, Matty? "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Outro We just had the entire plot of the movie in the last ten minutes, didn't we? Accompanied by a little late-movie cameo by Moon Unit Zappa as Rusty's girlfriend. I should point out that there was some in-fighting of how they were gonna end that flick. Chevy Chase wanted it to be him sitting in front of the fireplace saying, "It's good to be home." But Matty Simmons pointed out that they were making a COMEDY, and then HE came up with what I think is a pretty funny ending, which is that they're all relieved to be home, and a guy with a camera crew knocks on the door, saying, "You've just won a trip to the Great Wall of China!" And Chevy's really happy, and he turns to the rest of the family, and they're all glaring at him, so he says meekly to the guy, "What's second prize?" But Chevy Chase was so p.o.ed at Matty that he'd ix-nayed HIS idea, that Chevy then ix-nayed Matty's idea, and they had to go with Amy Heckerling, the director's idea, which was the Statue of Liberty thing we just saw. And what do you expect from the director of "Look Who's Talking Too," the only flick we've ever given ZERO stars? © 2000 Turner Network Television. 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Welcome to Flyana.com HOME | FREE | FAST | ABOUT | CONTACT | NEWSLETTER | RADIO | NONPROFIT | SEARCH EXPERT WITNESS | SPEAKING | CONSULTING | BOOKS | PRESS ROOM NEWS FLASH . Kids flying solo . Bird Flu . Sleep well on board Jet Smarter . Smart Money: " Take the advice of Diana Fairechild." NONI . Healing? . Noni FAQ Office Yoga . The Wall Street Journal put this book on the front page! FLY SMARTER . " With airline economic woes today, passengers are ignored and even abused. Be aware and proactive. Let me help you upgrade to smart class." -Diana Fairechild Diana logged 10 million miles as a flight attendant before a medical grounding due to cabin air , pesticides and other aircraft safety problems [see below] . Author of five books , Diana is the foremost advocate for air travelers. She's been quoted by hundreds of media, seen on CNN , Dateline, and network news and heard on NPR and Art Bell. Passenger Strategies . Heart condition? Tell after takeoff. . DVT ? Follow me. Consulting . Free advocacy . Fear of Flying . Expert Witness . Products Speaker . Hawaii based . " Magical" EMAIL ............ INFO FOUND NOWHERE ELSE THE EXPERTS & MEDIA SAY... . Air on planes . Air: germs (face masks) . Air: low oxygen . Air: pilots control oxygen . Air rage . Air (dehydration) . Airport: noise . Airports (radio) . Asthma: passenger dies . Bill of Rights . Bird flu (radio) . Crashes . Crew: airline bankruptcies . Crew: fatigue . Crew: hiring . Crew: pensions . Crew: sleep deprivation . Crew: toxins . Deep vein thrombosis . Dehydration . Dehydration and bad water . Deregulation . Ears: muffled hearing . Ears: sharp pain . Ears: more answers . Fast facts . Fear of flying . First Class: is it worth it? . Government: AIR 21 . Government: HR2115 . Government: reps . Homeopathy . Hotels . Jetlag: symptoms . JetLag: hotels . Jetlag, no! . Jetlag; not me . Kids: oxygen . Kids: preemies . Kids: flying solo . Masks . Meals: gourmet? . Meals: safe ? . Mergers . NONI . Newsletter: free . Pack Smart . Pension Default . Pesticide: spray . Pesticide: alert . Pesticide: panic . Phobias . Radiation; how . Radiation: canceling . Security: smuggling . Security: breast groping . Sick Airplanes . Sleeping on airplanes . Smoking flights . Stress . Tall passengers . Tickets: cancel if ill . Toxins . Water; unsafe . Water; BYO . Wine & olive oil . Yoga for travelers The New York Times "One of twelve most creative Web sites." American Bar Association Journal "Fairechild has a bag of carry-on health tricks larger than fits in the overhead compartment, all included in her book, Jet Smarter ." Uri Geller, Author, Spoonbender "Diana Fairechild is a natural born healer. She was put on Earth to help millions of people. I really truly feel that Diana's motivation is to educate us, the people who fly -- who could die on airplanes." Jonathan Kirsch, Attorney, Author "Diana Fairechild is an authentic visionary and a gifted writer." WNBC Nightside "Diana Fairechild says passengers have a right to know if they are going to be sprayed with a toxic substance." Reuters News Service "Diana Fairechild is an expert in aviation health and safety." . . More Quotes . . . . Web Awards . . . Press Room Art Bell, Coast to Coast AM " Fairechild explains how recycled air on planes contributes to air rage and in spreading infectious diseases." Alina Tugend, The New York Times "Fairechild says some frequent travelers fail to connect the dots between their travels and chronic ailments." Ed Randegger, Environ "Diana Fairechild's book Jet Smart dropped a bomb in Washington and the Environmental Protection Agency and the Department of Transportation changed policy." TIME "Diana Fairechild advises travelers of their rights--and the airlines' wrongs. Her Web site urges passengers to demand more air, avoid the food and protect their lungs against coughers and pesticides." Noel Brown, MD, United Nations Environment Director "I would like to order 20 copies of Jet Smart which I will distribute to my frequent flying colleagues." Los Angeles Times "Once you actually make it onto a plane, you might find Diana Fairechild's activism on behalf of your in-flight health reassuring." FOR MORE DEPTH & INFORMATION, SEE DIANA'S BOOKS AND/OR WRITE TO DIANA . HOME | FREE | FAST | ABOUT | CONTACT | NEWSLETTER | RADIO | NONPROFIT | SEARCH EXPERT WITNESS | SPEAKING | CONSULTING | BOOKS | PRESS ROOM FLYANA.COM