Family Vacation

Johnson Family Vacation Johnson Family Vacation Watching Johnson Family Vacation is like watching somebody's vacation videos - there is a feeling of being trapped, stuck at the mercy of whoever is narrating their boring experiences. The difference is that this is a movie, and one can leave the theater. Even better, don't go to the theater in the first place to watch this movie. It's not bad; it's just so derivative and uninspired that it's dull, which is especially disheartening given some of the talent in front of the camera. This is Cedric the Entertainer's ( Barbershop 2: Back in Business , Intolerable Cruelty ) first outing as the star of a film, and it was a serious mistake on his part. He plays Nate Johnson, insurance salesman and family man. The Johnsons are crossing the country from the Los Angeles suburbs to Missouri, site of the Johnson family reunion. Of course, everything that can go wrong along the way does, but that's okay, since everything will be peachy at the end. First, Nate is separated from his wife Dorothy (Vanessa Williams, Shaft , Light It Up ), but oddly enough, she lives literally right down the street. She had career aspirations, and apparently Nate disagreed with them. Still, for their kids, she agrees to go. So Nate, Dorothy, Nikki (Solange Knowles, sister of Beyonce), DJ (Bow Wow, Like Mike , All About the Benjamins ), and little Destiny (Gabby Soleil) pack into Nate's mistakenly tricked out SUV and head off across the county. The nature of the movie is episodic, and for better or worse (WORSE), the script by Todd R. Jones and Earl Richey Jones unfolds this way. Each state brings a new wacky adventure for the family, and they slowly begin bonding along the way. An episodic movie is not inherently bad, but director Christopher Erskin haphazardly strings all the various misadventure together, and then drops any sort of meaningful plot development that is supposed to tie all these things together. Along the way, they pick up a goofy hitchhiker (Shannon Elizabeth, Love Actually , 13 Ghosts ), stop by an Indian reservation, Nate gets stuck naked in a jacuzzi, and other random comedy bits strewn together with no rhyme or reason. The other diversions are so forgettable they aren't even worth mentioning. Waiting at the reunion is Nate's brother Mack (Steve Harvey, You Got Served , Love Don't Cost a Thing ), who is constant competition with Nate for the attention of their mother. He has also won the family of the year award at the reunion for a number of years running. And, Nate's mother doesn't know he is separated. Cedric the Entertainer is a wildly funny comedian. Not here. It feels like Erskin slipped him a sedative, then told him to start performing. The script gives him nothing to work with, and he seems too bored to make an effort to make bland material watchable. Other actors like Williams and Harvey can be appealing, but here Williams is also bland and Harvey is annoying. The Jones' are content to rely on bathroom material to wake up the viewers instead of doing anything memorable. Bow Wow acts like he is trying to hard, and all that Knowles does is bat her eyelashes and roll her eyes in disgust. Maybe the latter is from watching her own movie. Haro Rates It: Pretty Bad. 1 hour, 36 minutes, Rated PG-13 for some sexual references, crude humor and brief drug material. Back to Movies HOME MOVIES MUSIC ADVICE CAREERS ADULT HISTORY CONTACT

European Vacation Planning Map

Europe Travel - A European Vacation Travel Guide  You are here: About > Travel > Europe for Visitors Travel Go Europe Essentials European Vacation Planning Map Europe Travel 101 - Before you Go European Distances The Best of Europe European Photo Gallery Articles & Resources Europe Travel Planning What to do In Europe Lodging - Hotels and More European Travel Maps Sex and Nudism Travel Photography Transportation Benelux Countries France Germany Austria Switzerland Greece Italy and Malta Travel Info Scandinavian Travel Spain and Portugal United Kingdom and Ireland Buyer's Guide Before You Buy Top Picks Italy Travel Guidebooks Europe Travel Guidebooks German Travel Guidebooks Product Reviews Forums Help FREE Newsletter Sign Up Now for the Europe for Visitors newsletter! See Online Courses   Search Europe for Visitors From James Martin , Your Guide to Europe for Visitors . FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now! Antwerp Pictures Antwerp is a fashion and diamond center for Belgium and the world, it has one of the most beautiful train stations in Europe, and it was home to artist Peter Paul Rubens in the 17th century. What's not to like about this Belgian port city? See what it's all about in our latest photo Gallery: Antwerp Pictures . More Antwerp Travel: Antwerp Travel Directory | Antwerp Lodging | Antwerp Museums Wednesday December 28, 2005 | permalink Like to Travel Well? Follow the CIA! I really should have paid attention when the CIA came recruiting at my college. Operatives really get to live it up when they travel, apparently. Imagine, the lucky seven of the "Surveillance Team" sent out to case the joint before kidnapping 39-year-old Muslim preacher Osama Moustafa Hassan Nasr, also known as Abu Omar, managed to spend "$39,995, not counting meals, parking and other services" for a week at Milan's Principe di Savoia ( check prices ), where a room goes for a mere $588 a night, according to Newsday . Once Abu Omar was behind bars in Cairo the CIA folks broke up and went their various ways, some to the renowned Grand Hotel Baglioni ( check prices ) in Florence , a few in cozy pairs to save the taxpayers money, no doubt. Travel Resources: Milan Profile | Florence Profile Tuesday December 27, 2005 | permalink Tapas from Cans? Ok, so you wander into one of Barcelona's most celebrated tapas bars thinking, "wow, I'm gonna down me some fine, fresh seafood this evening--non of that canned stuff like we get at home..." Well, Quimet and Quimet is one of Barcelona's best tapas bars, recommended by just about anyone. Joaquim Perez, owner of Quimet and Quimet, has been called Barcelona's culinary king of canned food. That's right, a tapas king devoted to high-quality goods preserved in metal. I had heard about the increasing interest in vintage sardines , whose flavors are said to increase in intensity and complexity with aging. But Mr. Perez has extended this idea of unlikely gourmet tinkering; he buys "fresh" Galician navajas (clams) from the cannery and sets them to aging for a year or two before serving them (plain) to his customers. And they love 'em. Maybe you should go and see what this canned gourmet thing is all about. There are worse places to spend time on a research expedition. More: Gastronomic Route: Barcelona, a tapas town? Travel Resources: Barcelona Guide | Barcelona Pictures Thursday December 22, 2005 | permalink North Holland: Noah's Ark Redux A pious north Holland businessman took out a 300 000 loan and turned his investment into a "faithful reconstruction of Noah's Ark in scaled down form on the basis of biblical texts," according to the Mail & Guardian . Spring is the expected launch date. No word on where the animals will come from. Travel Resources: North Holland Travel | Holland Map | Benelux Rail Passes Thursday December 22, 2005 | permalink Appreciate Long John Shivers? Head for the Alps I know I frequently extol the virtues of off season travel, but there's a whole bunch of adventurers willing to go the extra mile in their long johns to enjoy icier surroundings than I'd care to experience. Those would be the Ice Hotel People. Word from Vagablond is that "a new ice hotel is being constructed 7,000 feet up into the German Alps." HotelChatter says this ice hotel might well be part of the Iglu-Dorf chain, who specialize in things like Inuit igloos in Switzerland. Like it cold? Get you thrills in the Alps this winter. I'll toast your bravado at the hearth with a steaming hot toddy. Travel Resources: Germany map and Travel Essentials | Switzerland Map and Travel Essentials . Tuesday December 20, 2005 | permalink Europe Travel in the Off Season Why travel in the off season? Well, you know the reasons: fewer tourists, lower prices, and cooler temperatures, to name a few. But there's another reason for me, and that's the warm, slanting light that brings photos alive. See what I mean by taking a gander at: Liguria Pictures - Picture Gallery of Liguria in Autumn . And if you still want to see more pictures of Italy , try out Italy for Visitors Florence Pictures , taken in November. Travel Resources: Off Season Travel Tips | Italy Travel Map Sunday December 18, 2005 | permalink Travel Gifts Ok, you're thinkin' it's too late to post some ideas for gifts at this late date. Hey, you can chalk it up to sloth and indolence, but I don't start burdening my mind with thoughts about winter holidays in May like the rest of my family. The crunch starts now. So I've made up a list of recommended Travel Gifts . Of course, you could buy some of the stuff for yourself as well. Take a look. You've got language help, a deep, inside look at the Vatican, and more, not to mention that Tyrolean Boiled Wool Jacket like you've always wanted. More Stuff You Need: Top Travel Photography Gear Friday December 16, 2005 | permalink Joe Torre carries the Olympic Torch in Florence New York Yankee manager Joe Torre carried the Olympic torch 400 yards to the foot of the Ponte Vecchio in Florence yesterday as part of "American day" in the two-month Olympic torch relay. It was the first time he'd been to Italy in 20 years, despite the fact that his mother was born in the village of Patina near Naples. (Source: Indystar.com ) The torch Joe carried was designed by the folks at Pininfarina , who've banged out quite a few sexy Italian auto bodies in their time. The Olympic torch is designed to work in rain, snow and wind up to 74.56 miles per hour, not to mention temperatures from -4°F to +77°F. According to what I've heard, the torch suffered much less than Mr. Torre during the run. Travel Resources: Florence Travel Directory | Florence Pictures: Views from the Arno | Naples Travel Directory Photo above: Ponte Vecchio, Florence by Martha Bakerjian, Italy for Visitors ; click "read more" to see it larger. Read more... Thursday December 15, 2005 | permalink Sunny Valencia It's cold here in my corner of California, prime time to think of warmer climes. Valencia pops to mind. Host to the 2007 America's cup, the sunny Spanish port city has been spiffing itself up lately, and many travelers have remarked that Valencia seems to be passing Barcelona as Spain's city of tourist choice. What's not to like? The spring La Fallas festival is a not to be missed attraction (plan now if you're going), the City of Arts and Sciences holds 87 acres of fascinating art, science and architecture, and the Barrio del Carmen is chock full of music, restaurants and clubs. Find out more about Valence by taking a peek at our latest: Valencia Spain Travel Information - Valencia Profile , or peruse our Valencia Travel Directory . Wednesday December 14, 2005 | permalink Hey Santa! Take That! Scroogy Musings: So a couple guys in Germany get asked what they want for Christmas by Santa, who happens to be waiting for a train home. They've been out shopping all day, unsuccessfully one assumes, because the next thing you know they've latched on to Santa's sack and "beat him over the head with it, breaking his fingers as he tried to protect himself." ( Santa - Germany's new stress buster ) Santa on a train? in Germany? A bit early, isn't it? Has the Christmas spirit been so commercialized that the little people like us suffer with the stress of plunking down good cash for stuff we think people might like but probably won't? Where is the joy of it all? Everyone remembers the magical experience of visiting Santa in the mall when they were kids and the smile it brought to your face. Unfortunately over the last few years it seems the spirit of Christmas is slowly being lost due to many different reasons including political correctness, busier lifestyles and many more issues. Hold on a sec. Now I'm angrier than a red-nosed reindeer. Everyone doesn't remember. Some of us are way too old to conjure the disgraceful vision of mall Santas in their mothball costumes and fake beards. The statement above comes from Live From Lapland (dot com). For a bit less than 15 dollars they'll make a custom video staring Santa, who'll be talking to your kids using the words you put in his mouth via the web site's control panel. Their Santa evidently lives in a paneled room and wears mall Santa clothes and beardage. It's in the sample flick. He could be in Kansas. Still, where else you gonna get a five minute flick to your specs for $14.95? Travel Resources: Lapland (the real one) | Chrismas in Europe Tuesday December 13, 2005 | permalink Display Latest Headlines | | | Read Archives powered by Movable Type Advertisement Most Popular Europe Map - Distances Between Cities in Western Europe Europe's Best Nudist Beaches Europe Picture Galleries Italy Pictures Europe Travel 101 - Before You Travel to Europe for the Firs... 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Tapas from Cans? Ok, so you wander into one of Barcelona's most celebrated... North Holland: Noah's Ark Redux A pious north Holland businessman took out a 300 000...

MEXICO TRAVEL BOOKS &

Si-Mexico Hotel And Resort Travel Guide - Travel Books - Travel Videos Acapulco Hotels Resorts, Cancun Hotels Resorts, Cabo San Lucas Hotels Resorts, Puerto Vallarta Hotels Resorts, Los Cabos Hotels Resorts, Mazatlan Hotels Resorts, Manzanillo Hotels Resorts, Mexico City Hotels Resorts, San Jose del Cabo Hotels Resorts, Playa del Carmen Hotels Resorts, All Inclusive, Online Reservations, Travel Guide, Information, Maps, News, Activities, 6 Star, 5 Star, 4 Star Hotels Resorts in Mexico. Home Airfare Search Hotels-Condos Search City Tours Package Trips Travel Offers Travel Store Travel Tips Travel News Travel Tools Travel Books Message Board RESOURCES Diving Resources Mayan Ruins Mexico Airport Codes Mexico Resources Mexico Rental Resources Reservation Resources Web Travel Resources Contact Si-Mexico SI-MEXICO TRAVEL BOOKS & VIDEOS Si-Mexico Hotel And Resort Travel Guide in association with Amazon.com offers a variety of books, travel guides & videos about cities and areas throughout Mexico. < For Items that we do not list here click on the Amazon logo. Books on Acapulco Click on Cities: Cancun | Cozumel | Mexico City | Puerto Vallarta Travel Videos | Top of Page | Home Books on Cancun Click on Cities: Acapulco | Cozumel | Mexico City | Puerto Vallarta Travel Videos | Top of Page | Home Books on Cozumel Click on Cities: Acapulco | Cancun | Mexico City | Puerto Vallarta Travel Videos | Top of Page | Home Books on Puerto Vallarta Click on Cities: Acapulco | Cancun | Cozumel | Mexico City Travel Videos | Top of Page | Home Books on Mexico City Click on Cities: Acapulco | Cancun | Cozumel | Puerto Vallarta Travel Videos | Top of Page | Home Videos on Mexico Click on Cities: Acapulco | Cancun | Cozumel | Mexico City | Puerto Vallarta Top of Page | Home Home | About Us | Disclaimer-Privacy Policy | Site Map 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 Our Partners: World Countries Info | Juarez Travel Guide 2005 Si-Mexico Hotel And Resort Travel Guide. All rights reserved. Site Design & Maintenance Forbes Communications Corp. Hosting Graffic Traffic

Italy travel Amalfi -

Amalfi guide - Sorrento travel guide - Amalfi - guide to Sorrento - Italy travel Amalfi - Italy Amalfi guide - Sorrento travel guide - Amalfi - guide to Sorrento - Italy travel Amalfi - Italy - travel links Wednesday, 28 December 05 - 11:43 pm Top destinations Art Cities Beaches Lakes Mountains Spa Resorts Regions guides Abruzzo & Molise Alto Adige Apulia Basilicata & Calabria Campania Emilia Romagna Friuli Venezia Giulia Lazio Liguria Lombardy Marche Piedmont Sardinia Sicily Tuscany Trentino Umbria Valle d'Aosta Veneto Cities guides Aosta Asiago & 7 comuni Asolo Assisi Belluno & Dolomiti Venete Bologna Bolzano Brescia Bressanone Caorle & Bibione Capri Catania Cervia & Cesenatico's Beaches Chianti, Valdelsa, Valdarno Comacchio's Beaches Cortina d'Ampezzo Courmayeur M.Bianco Elba & Capraia Florence Garda Lake - Eastern Side Grosseto & Maremma Ischia Jesolo & Eraclea Como Lake & Lecco Lucca & Garfagnana Madonna di Campiglio Merano Milan Monte Cervino Montecatini Terme Naples Padua Palermo Pisa Portofino & Tigullio Gulf Ragusa Ravenna's Beaches Ravenna City Rimini, Riccione, Cattolica Riviera dei Fiori: Sanremo & Imperia Riviera del Brenta Rome Rovereto Rovigo e Delta del Po San Martino di Castrozza, Primiero, Val Venoi Siena Siracusa Sorrento & Amalfi Taormina Terme e Colli Euganei Turin Trento Treviso Val di Fassa Val di Fiemme Venice Verona Versilia & Viareggio Vicenza Sorrento & Amalfi Hotels Reserve Sorrento & Amalfi Hotels: save up 70% on rooms! Compare offers & book on line at hotel's web sites. About Campania Pompei: in search of a lost civilization The city of Pompeii was established in the XII century B.C. and enjoyed great prosperity from the point of view of culture, economy and city planning until 79 A.D. when the terrible eruption of Vesuvius covered everything in lava and small stones... The Cilento, discover its charm and beauty The Cilento is the southernmost part of Campania, before Basilicata, between the plains of the river Sele to the north... The Sorrento Peninsula, between the mythical sea and romantic land. The setting of a scene from the Odyssey and a land crossed by Grand Tour poets and scholars, the Sorrento Peninsula is a magical place... Teatro San Carlo - Napoli In this site you will find the complete schedule of the famous Neapolitan Opera House ... Sorrento & Amalfi Guide Italy THINGS TO KNOW Getting there History and culture THINGS TO SEE Churches, Palaces and Monuments THINGS TO TRY Eating and Drinking Shopping Hotels and lodgings THINGS TO EXPERIENCE Events La Dolce Vita ITINERARIES Beaches, marinas and nature reserves Positano, Ravello, Vietri and other places not to be missed Directories of Web Sites Sorrento & Amalfi Italy Sorrento & Amalfi Hotels Downloads Sorrento & Amalfi Guide in PDF format Land of colors and fragrances, birthplace of Torquato Tasso, retreat for such artists and writers as Caruso and Wagner, who found inspiration in this splendid corner of Campania. The Sorrento Peninsula and the Amalfi Coast host an enticing pageant of blue seas, jagged coastlines, lush hills and delightful towns: Sorrento , Amalfi , Positano , Ravello , Vietri ... Getting there The Sorrento Peninsula is easily reached thanks to its proximity to cities like Naples and Salerno and thanks to highways... >>> History and culture The glorious Maritime Republic of Amalfi, sea battles off the Sorrento coast against pirates and invaders... >>> Churches, Palaces and Monuments All the places you need to see, to get a full picture of the history and culture of Sorrento and Amalfi... >>> Eating and Drinking Fresh fish and other local delicacies, not to mention the sublime Limoncello... >>> Shopping Inlaid wooden ornaments, ceramic ware, cameos and embroidery... >>> Hotels and lodgings Tips for organizing your vacation: Sorrento hotels , Amalfi hotels , Positano hotels ... >>> Events Sorrento Summer of Music, Ravello Wagner Festival and all the highlights of the area... >>> La Dolce Vita A coffee in Sorrento's Piazza Tasso, a cocktail in a wine bar in Positano or a stroll along the beach to gaze at the stars... >>> Beaches, marinas and nature reserves Sandy beaches, crystal-clear seawater, rocky coastlines and charming little marinas... >>> Positano, Ravello, Vietri and other places not to be missed A glimpse into the magic of the Sorrento Peninsula and the Amalfi Coast... >>> More guides on: Region: Campania Campania Cities: Capri Ischia Naples Click to view the map Servizi per le aziende Acquista la tua visibilità su Travel Plan Netplan Travel Network Travel Guides ItalyTravel Guides | VeniceTravel Guide | FlorenceTravel Guide | RomeTravel Guide | MilanTravel Guide | NaplesTravel Guide | Palermo Travel Guide | Taormina Travel Guide | SicilyTravel Guide | Cortina Travel Guide | VeronaTravel Guide | JesoloTravel Guide | Lucca & Garfagnana Travel Guide | Treviso Travel Guide | Ischia Travel Guide | Capri Travel Guide | Sorrento Travel Guide | Amalfi Travel Guide | More Italy Travel guides ... 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Venice Hotels | Cortina Hotels | Asolo Hotels | Hotel Golden Rome | Hotel San Niccolò - Chianti | Hotel Il Granduca Florence | Venice Travel Guide | Venice Booking Center | Venice Hotels Servizi per le aziende - Netplan Travel Network Links A1 A2 B1 C1 D1 E1 F1 G1 H1 H2 I1 I2 J1 K1 L1 M1 N1 O1 P1 Q1 R1 S1 T1 U1 V1 W1 X1 Y1 Z1 AA1 AB1 AC1 AD1 AE1 AF1 AG1 AH1 AI1 AJ1 AK1 AL1 AM1 AN1 AN2 AO1 AP1 AQ1 AR1 AS1 AT1 AU1 AV1 AW1 AX1 AY1 AZ1 BA1 BB1 Italy Travel Guide © 2004 Fatto da: Netplan

European Vacation," was just

feature National Lampoon's European Vacation "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Intro Oh, my goodness -- is this really the last night of Joe Bob's Summer School? Well, hack off my leg and call me Peggy. I'm Professor Joe Bob, and tonight's class is Recreational Geography 207, where we find out whether our first movie, "National Lampoon's European Vacation," was just a good excuse for the stars to go to Europe -- and we can DO that, because we have not only the producer, Matty Simmons, as one of our guest lecturers, but we have the world's most famous expert on travelling all over the world without paying anybody for anything, the one and only Robin Leach. He'll stay with us for this movie and maybe our second one, too, Dan Aykroyd and John Candy in "The Great Outdoors." Now. Speaking of vacations, I want you to remember the one cardinal rule of all professional vacation-goers. [writes on blackboard] "Do Not Structure Your Damn Time." Do you understand what I'm saying here? For example, I have this friend Larry who's as rich as a sitcom star, and so every year at this time he takes one of those European cruises where you drink champagne every night and listen to bad cabaret acts and occasionally get off the boat to look at some Madonnas or sit at a seaside cafe with red-checkered tablecloths where you can guzzle the local vino for thirty bucks a pop. And they have all kinds of "programs" and "seminars" and "athletic activities" on board, so you can learn how to be a real-estate agent or a professional shuffleboard coach or find out who Marcel Proust was. Now here's the interesting part. On his daily schedule of all the "programs" and "seminars" and "cultural activities," there's always a place marked "Free Time." Like there's time that costs money, and then there's FREE TIME. But, no, that can't be what it means, because it ALL costs money on a cruise, whether you CALL it free or not. So what they mean is, there's PRISON time and then there's FREE time. This is when the guy's ON VACATION! This is when he's in the one place in the world where ALL the time is supposed to be free! What's wrong here? When I was a kid, I'd go to these science fairs where they had "labor-saving inventions of the future," and we were all supposed to be working twenty-hour weeks by now. But what happened? We invented all these labor-saving devices, everything got faster, and we have two-thirds LESS "Free Time" than we had twenty years ago. You know why? Because of guys like Larry who CAN'T STAND IT. They go on vacation and they're faced with this endless stretch of "Free Time," and they start to go crazy with guilt and nervousness. There's some great Yuppie Devil God in their gut crying out, "You could have done SEVENTY HOURS of work in the time you spent hanging around the Parthenon and chucking rocks in the Aegean. Your life is MEANINGLESS." And so they have "Free Time." They work just as much as they do when they're back home -- they're getting an education, or they're becoming culturally enlightened, or they're IMPROVING themselves -- and then, after they've done that, they can just barely face that agonizing hour of "Free Time." They can suck down a couple martinis without guilt, though, because they've just read part of a book about Giotto. They can USE that Giotto someday. They'll be talking to that West Coast sales rep who's into European art, and they can just casually mention that magic word -- "Giotto" -- and pretty soon they'll be bosom buddies for life. But tonight we're gonna teach you how to vacation right, by watching "National Lampoon's European Vacation," the follow-up to the comedy classic "National Lampoon's Vacation." "European Vacation" picks up as the Griswalds accidentally win a gameshow and embark on their first trip overseas, where they run people over, trash national monuments and make a general nuisance of themselves. Check it out, and we'll have Robin Leach popping out here to join us. [fading] Robin's gonna be slumming. Instead of doing "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous," he'll be doing "Lifestyles of the Hard-Up and Obscure." "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #1 See, isn't this movie helpful as a travel tool? When planning your European vacation, just beat Paul Bartel and his family on "Pig in the Poke"! You know what's NOT a good sign, though? FOUR dream sequences, and the movie's barely 20 minutes old. Okay, let's not dwell on that, because it's time to welcome our first guest-lecturer of the evening, world-traveler extraordinaire, a guy who has been every place via every mode of transportation. The one and only Robin Leach. LEACH: How're you doing? Welcome to Joe Bob's Summer School. And all right, so here we are. LEACH: Only two places in the world I haven't been to. Really. What are they? LEACH: I haven't been to Burma, which is now called Myanmar and I haven't been to Papua New Guinea, where in some parts there's still cannibalism practiced. Really? LEACH: I don't want to wind up . . . You won't go there even to sample the cuisine? (LAUGHTER) All right, so here we are watching a movie about a European vacation. I would suppose that you have taken a vacation in Europe so many times that, well, let me ask it this way. The Griswalds -- they just checked into this worst hotel in London. LEACH: The worst. The worst. Have you ever gone out to do like a journalistic piece as part of one of your shows and ended up in some roach-infested nightmare? LEACH: No. It never happens. LEACH: I tell you the only thing that was really surprising to me in all my travels was in Cuba, where I went into a bedroom and I was the only person in the bedroom. But there were eight single beds in the bedroom. I wondered who the other seven friends (LAUGHTER) were going to be for the night. And who showed up? LEACH: No, fortunately nobody. Not even cigar farmers. So that was all right. Or unfortunate. All right. Have you ever . . . LEACH:. . . And the bed I was given was the furthest from the phone. That I never understood. (LAUGHTER) What, you couldn't switch beds? That was against the rules? LEACH: No they wouldnt let me switch beds. Against the rules. Have you ever paid for anything Robin? (LAUGHTER) LEACH: Is that the traditional Joe Freeload question? (LAUGHTER) Of course we've paid as we've gone around the world. Weve done it at a travel agent discount but no, we pay. We have to -- that's the law. Oh, even at the hotels . . . LEACH: Yes. that you're featuring in a show. LEACH: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to pay. Favorite destination in Europe? LEACH: In Europe, again it would be Italy. Italy? LEACH: Just like the Griswalds wind up there, the most spectacular country is Italy. And so after all your travels, its still good ol' Italy -- probably one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. LEACH: Because they know how to live, those people. They have such a great lust for life. You know, they drink wine. They smoke cigars. They eat pasta. They don't care about anything other than . . . No smoking sections in a restaurant. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: No. None of that stuff. LEACH: This is the la bon vie, as they say in France. Of course most of our audience can only dream about places like that 'cause right now they're planning their trips to Six Flags over Bakersfield. (LAUGHTER) But you probably do those kinds of trips too. Ever do, like, low budget trips? Have you ever done that? LEACH: No. Never. (LAUGHTER) You've never been. LEACH: I dont, I dont . . . Youve probably never been to Six Flags have you? LEACH: Yes, in Dallas. You were there? Okay, the original Six Flags over Texas in Arlington. You went there? LEACH: Yes. How did you like it? LEACH: The roller coaster was great. And I went to the Six Flags in New Jersey with Bob Pittman, who used to run it, and on the Batman and Robin ride. What else would I go on? You've experienced it. But I doubt if you stayed at the Six Flags Inn across the street, did you? LEACH: No. And Motel Six is a strange name to me. (LAUGHTER) All right. Let's return to National Lampoons European Vacation and -- roll the film -- and then we'll talk some more at the next break. By the way, Robin. My eagle eye picked up Playboy Playmate of the Month for 1984 Tricia Lang as the game show hostess at the beginning of the movie. Now, did you ever do any Playmates on Lifestyles? That didn't come out right. Did you ever have any Playmates as Lifestyles guests? LEACH: I want you to try that even one more time. (LAUGHTER) No, but we did feature Hugh Heffner up at The Mansion, so a lot of the attractive, ah, decorations were hanging around. (LAUGHTER) So you went to the king? LEACH: Well, yeah, or the king came to the mountain. I don't know what that is but yeah, it was -- that's a palace. Palace of pleasure. Okay. I can imagine. (LAUGHTER) "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #2 I don't mean any disrespect to the late Dana Hill, but she doesn't really seem right for this part. I think it would've worked better with that kinda laid-back prettiness of the original Audrey, Dana Barron. Hey, Robin, did I tell you I'm moving to El Lay? LEACH: No. You like El Lay don't you? LEACH: Yeah. It's one of your favorite places. Can you introduce me to some girls? LEACH: Ah, probably. Okay Robin. LEACH: You won't have a tough time handsome, tall, talented host. (LAUGHTER) Don't bet on that, Robin. Okay, let's get down to the nitty gritty all right? What are the best party towns in the world? Where can you go if you just really want to tear it up? LEACH: New York is the greatest party town in the world. Really? Right here in the USA. LEACH: Then the nightlife of Paris. Okay. Paris. That's a big one. LEACH: It used to be a great nightlife in Rome, but not so much any more since La Dolce Vita quieted down. Monte Carlo is also good during the summertime in San Tropez. And of course, in America, we have Las Vegas, which is the party city of the entire world. I need to start writing these down. Where can you go if you just want to tear it up and you don't want anybody in your immediate family to know what you did while you were there? LEACH: About four thousand miles away. Four thousand miles away . . . LEACH: Get four thousand away from the nearest family member. (LAUGHING) Yeah. And what, you findwhat city would that be? LEACH: It could be any city. You can have fun and games in any city of the world. Okay. But you know are there some that are kind of like special in, you know, special cities for like that dark, naughty side? LEACH: Paris. Paris is the best? LEACH: I would think so. Okay. LEACH: As you see in this movie when the Griswalds go off to the nightclub, they even find their own child in the Crazy Horse. Right. Well now, see, one reason I trust you, Robin -- even before you were world famous, I would have trusted you because you're English. And I trust the English guys on any kind of issue like this about nightlife, because, well But one thing I do, I make it a rule to never drink with English guys or at least try to drink as much as they drink. (LAUGHTER) Because now we -- now listen, hear me out. Wouldn't you agree, Robin, your countrymen do know how to put away cocktails? (LAUGHTER). And you will drink 37 different kinds of cocktails at dinner and sweet ones and everything and then at two in the morning somebody'll say, But we haven't had an after-dinner liqueur yet! The English like many many, many different kinds. Would you say this is true? LEACH: I would say that's true. Okay. (LAUGHTER) Well, all right, all right. Well keep working on that party list as we return to National Lampoon's European Vacation. Roll it. You know, the trouble with going to those kinds of places is that you can't remember 'em when you get home 'cause somebody told me that. . . LEACH:. . . they don't wish to remember them. Well maybe that's good 'cause . . . ROBIN:. . . explains why there is heavy drinking. I know, I know, 'cause somebody told me one time that they spent three days with me at Mardi Gras in 1985. I don't even remember even going there. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: We've forgot New Orleans. Yeah. Oh. LEACH: The greatest of them all. That's on the list. And it's naughty isn't it? LEACH: I don't how you define that. Oh, ho. Come on, okay? LEACH: There's no such thing as naughty. Oh, okay then I do understand you. (LAUGHTER) The whole list was naughty. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #3 And Chevy Chase takes his famous pratfalls to the extreme and knocks down Stonehenge. Ha ha ha. Lot of the gags in this movie don't really work, do they? LEACH: No, it was the model that didn't work in the movie. That's true. It was kind of cheesy wasn't it? LEACH: Did you notice that as well? Yes, I. . . LEACH: That's a lot of damage for a small English car to do that hardly backed up in reverse. Yes. Okay, Robin, now we're in Paris. First thing . . . LEACH:. . . ooo la la . . . Yes, we were just talking about Paris. Now, first thing that comes to your mind well, first of all, best hotel in Paris? LEACH: Oh, the Ritz. Best restaurant in Paris? LEACH: Um, boy. Well, Taurus would say Maxims, but it would be the new Alain Ducasse restaurant in Paris. Alain Ducasse. Alain Ducasse. Okay. Best place to see naked French girls? LEACH: Ah I would say, go to the Crazy Horse. Really? Still, after all these years . . . LEACH: They change the show every three months so . . . Okay. LEACH: They change the girls every three years. All right. I want to talk about Thailand. LEACH: My favorite country in all the world. Really? LEACH: Yeah. I love Thailand. Is Thailand really all its cracked up to be? You hear so many people . . . LEACH: Nicest people in the world. Yeah. LEACH: The most incredible food. Yeah. LEACH: Wonderful countryside. Wonderful Asian culture. How much does it cost? LEACH: You can get there quite inexpensively. Yeah. LEACH: Depends how you want to do it. If you want to go on a private, you know, G-5, it'll cost a lot of money. But if you want to go as baggage on a boat, it'll cost very little. Yeah (LAUGHTER) but you would never go as baggage on a boat, I mean LEACH: . . . I've only heard about doing those things. (LAUGHTER) The typical trip for you, though, I mean what would it cost for a week? Bangkok? LEACH: It makes a hard man humble. You could do Bangkok on a very, you know, on a grandiose scale of under five thousand for a week. And what does that include? Hotel? Meals? LEACH: Yeah. Everything. LEACH: Not the . . . . . . Okay. LEACH: Not the air transportation. Then Bangkok you could also do much more inexpensively because they have very, very small hotels. And then, of course, if you wanted to go to any of special places that Bangkok is somewhat known for (LAUGHTER). Well that's kind of what I was gettin' at. LEACH: You were getting to the Thai massage. Uh huh. LEACH: Was that what you were getting to? Uh huh. Yeah. LEACH: The two or three girls on a rubber raft. Yeah. LEACH: And the swimming pool? Yeah. I go with that. (LAUGHTER) You can actually stay overnight there. LEACH: I'm told its quite reasonable . . . I would assume. (LAUGHTER) Well, and you could probably stay overnight at those places. LEACH: You can stay for as long as you wish. Oh, so like you just spend seven days there -- you don't even need a hotel room. (LAUGHTER) LEACH: That's one way to look at it. (LAUGHTER) All right. I'm gonna need your home phone number, Robin (LAUGHTER), after this is over. Okay. That was an awfully short segment, so let's get back to the movie. You ever need somebody to do, like, script continuity on your crew or something? LEACH: Are you offering? Location scout. I'll be your (LAUGHTER) location scout. Yes, Im offering. LEACH: You're too tall to go to some of the places we go to. Too tall. LEACH: Yes. Too tall to go to Bangkok? LEACH: No. Not too tall to go there, but there are other places where only the short make it. Really? (LAUGHTER) I don't even want to think about what you're talking about. LEACH: I don't want you to think about what I'm talking about. (LAUGHTER) "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #4 Well, that's a first. TNT is famous for holes in the dialogue where the cuss words should go, but I've never seen em bleep the subtitles before. And that scene where the dog jumps off the Eiffel Tower --that's obviously a reference back to the scene in the ORIGINAL "National Lampoon's Vacation" where they forget the dog is tied to the back of the station wagon and they kill the little guy. So this time you THINK the dog is gonna die, but then they go out of their way to show the dog swimming to safety in the river. I mean, why is everything so much SOFTER in this movie? Yeah, it's really not very good, and it was written by John Hughes, the guy who did "Breakfast Club" and all those famous movies in the eighties. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #5 So we KNOW that Audrey misses Jack. We got that. But you probly DON'T know that the guy who just played Fritz, the Bavarian relative, is the German comedy legend "Willy Millowitsch." And you know what cut-ups the Germans are. "Nehmen Sie meine Frau, bitte!" [Naymen-Zee miyna frow, bitta] You know what that means? "Take my wife, please." See, wasn't funny. Anyhow, it's getting crowded here at "Joe Bob's Summer School," we've got so many experts hanging out with us. Robin Leach, the world's most experienced tourist and traveller and . . . could I call you a libertine? AND Matty Simmons, producer of the National Lampoon movies, who for many years published and edited the funniest magazine in American history. Brian McConnachie--funny writer. That sequence where they rush through the Louvre. And then, of course, drinking out of the bedpan --that's always GREAT for laughs. You know what's different about this movie, Matty? There's no goal. In the first one, they had to get to Wally World, but in this one, they're just kinda . . . travelling. I'm sure Robin would agree with me. It's two against one. Did you tell John Hughes his script sucked for that reason? Okay, let's get back to the brilliantly conceived, but less than brilliantly executed, neverthless financially successful, "National Lampoon's European Vacation." Roll it. "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Commercial Break #6 Okay, Matty, what's with the extended SHOPPING MONTAGE? The movie's almost OVER. And you're starting a Mafia subplot. What do you have to say for yourself? You know I'm moving to El Lay next week, Matty? I might be able to get you hooked up. As you may know, all our guest-lecturers get a book as a parting gift. We got you this one: it's called "Matador." I figured you could maybe make "National Lampoon's Spanish Vacation." Okay, we're gonna watch the conclusion to "National Lampoon's European Vacation," where we're finally gonna get some plot, believe it or not. So, roll it, and then we'll come back and talk some more to Robin Leach. [fading] Do you think of Chevy Chase as living out YOU on the screen, Matty? "NATIONAL LAMPOONS EUROPEAN VACATION Outro We just had the entire plot of the movie in the last ten minutes, didn't we? Accompanied by a little late-movie cameo by Moon Unit Zappa as Rusty's girlfriend. I should point out that there was some in-fighting of how they were gonna end that flick. Chevy Chase wanted it to be him sitting in front of the fireplace saying, "It's good to be home." But Matty Simmons pointed out that they were making a COMEDY, and then HE came up with what I think is a pretty funny ending, which is that they're all relieved to be home, and a guy with a camera crew knocks on the door, saying, "You've just won a trip to the Great Wall of China!" And Chevy's really happy, and he turns to the rest of the family, and they're all glaring at him, so he says meekly to the guy, "What's second prize?" But Chevy Chase was so p.o.ed at Matty that he'd ix-nayed HIS idea, that Chevy then ix-nayed Matty's idea, and they had to go with Amy Heckerling, the director's idea, which was the Statue of Liberty thing we just saw. And what do you expect from the director of "Look Who's Talking Too," the only flick we've ever given ZERO stars? © 2000 Turner Network Television. 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